“If life is like a trail run, I have descended into a very steep, dark valley and am struggling to climb the trail back up and out.”
Hello running friends – its me – the runningdad. I slept in until after noon on a sunny summer day, throwing off the sheets because some part of me still wants to keep going. Here is an update from me.
Work me, running me and where I really am
My writing (something I love like running) is something that seems to be part of my therapy. I am sharing as much for me as for other runningdads, parents and those suffering through depression.
I get up and I go to work, I smile and laugh and go to the gym but it feels hollow and I have a thin veneer of protection. I snap easier, I am not myself but I can fake it most days, the running gives me distraction and something to keep me moving from day to day.
I know I am not the only one going through this, I know others have it worse, I know others power through – others handle it better – but I am me and this is where I am.
Being a runningdad
I love my daughter and being a dad and adjusting to single, part-time parent life has become easier. I love watching my daughter nod to music in her car seat in the back seat with her sheep, sheep – I love the feel of her little hands and how she runs to her Poppa when she sees me at the daycare. But it is still not the life I wanted – it is still hard.
The bottom of the well
I snapped at a colleague, I fake positiveness at work, I seek distraction and I make poorer and poorer decisions and reached a low this past week. I barely got out of bed this morning.
The road ahead
Somehow I keep running because it is therapy for me, it is something I like to do, it gives me direction, distraction and keeps me moving forward.
I guess I need to do the meditating I talk about, keep taking my Kava, multivitamins and fish oil (can’t hurt) and maybe call back that counselor I saw once (can’t hurt). I also need to take the time to finally get my shit together – and I need to find work that is either lower stress or something I enjoy doing. I plan to take some time off in what ever way I can for a few weeks – now its not an option.
My daughter needs a positive, functioning dad and if I plan to keep friends or ever find someone of the opposite sex sometime in the distant future – I need to mend what is going on now.
Oh and I know I need to keep lacing up.
See you out there running friends!