Writing from the bottom of a well

“If life is like a trail run, I have descended into a very steep, dark valley and am struggling to climb the trail back up and out.”

Hello running friends – its me – the runningdad. I slept in until after noon on a sunny summer day, throwing off the sheets because some part of me still wants to keep going. Here is an update from me.

Work me, running me and where I really am

My writing (something I love like running) is something that seems to be part of my therapy. I am sharing as much for me as for other runningdads, parents and those suffering through depression.

I get up and I go to work, I smile and laugh and go to the gym but it feels hollow and I have a thin veneer of protection. I snap easier, I am not myself but I can fake it most days, the running gives me distraction and something to keep me moving from day to day.

I know I am not the only one going through this, I know others have it worse, I know others power through – others handle it better – but I am me and this is where I am.

Being a runningdad 

I love my daughter and being a dad and adjusting to single, part-time parent life has become easier. I love watching my daughter nod  to music in her car seat in the back seat with her sheep, sheep – I love the feel of her little hands and how she runs to her Poppa when she sees me at the daycare. But it is still not the life I wanted – it is still hard.

The bottom of the well

I snapped at a colleague, I fake positiveness at work, I seek distraction and I make poorer and poorer decisions and reached a low this past week. I barely got out of bed this morning.

The road ahead

Somehow I keep running because it is therapy for me, it is something I like to do, it gives me direction, distraction and keeps me moving forward.

I guess I need to do the meditating I talk about, keep taking my Kava, multivitamins and fish oil (can’t hurt) and maybe call back that counselor I saw once (can’t hurt). I also need to take the time to finally get my shit together – and I need to find work that is either lower stress or something I enjoy doing. I plan to take some time off in what ever way I can for a few weeks – now its not an option.

My daughter needs a positive, functioning dad and if I plan to keep friends or ever find someone of the opposite sex sometime in the distant future – I need to mend what is going on now.

Oh and I know I need to keep lacing up.

See you out there running friends!

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2 thoughts on “Writing from the bottom of a well

  1. Noel keep going I am a survivor of 7 armed robberies in a banking career I have felt as you do in 2010 as I was out of work with mental exhaustion, I evaluated my life got to love myself again looked at all I had to be grateful for and decided I was where I wanted to be in my career.. I started to run marathons and ultras and I take 10 mins every day to relax myself and I am happier and calmer now. I wish you well on your journey I know you will get through this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing – I have gotten so much support and people have shared so much. Let us both keep moving forward despite the valleys we descend into.

      Like

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